The 3 Worst Goals You Keep Setting
Goal setting is not something we have all been taught to do properly. Yet, from a young age we were taught that goals are important for our success. From finishing homework to completing chores, as young kids, we were encouraged to complete short term tasks as a means of learning the ability to then complete bigger and more longer term goals. As kids, some of us were motivated through extrinsic means in the hopes it would inspire some intrinsic drive. We were given awards and allowances. We were praised and rewarded. When goals were not achieved, we were criticised and punished. However, setting proper goals was not a subject taught at school. We have learnt some acronyms such as SMART goals, and these are great tools to implement when we have already identified the bigger goals we are striving for. But how do you identify your bigger goals? It’s not very clear to many of us, so we tend to make it up as we go along, mostly based on the lessons learnt as children and the patterns we adopted then.
Below are 3 of the biggest goal setting mistakes we can make in our lives.
1. Goal based on the outcome of experiencing an emotion.
E.g. I want to have a house by the water so I can feel proud; I want to become a senior manager or director so that I can feel happy; I want to get married and have a few kids so I can feel fulfilled. Many people who have set these goals and achieved them, discovered they weren’t proud, happy or fulfilled to the level they expected at the end. Then they are left feeling like they are back at square one or worse, like there is something wrong with them for not feeling what they should be feeling at these accomplishments! Basing success on an emotion is just as effective as basing your career decisions on the weather.
2. Goal based on the outcome of other people’s reactions.
E.g. My goal is to make sure my child or partner is happy; My goal is to get a good job to make my father or mother proud; My goal is to earn $xx just to make my friends jealous. This method is even worse than the first one! If you don’t have control over your own emotions, how can you possibly control someone else’s?
3. Goals inconsiderate of your life vision. Goal setting must always be holistic, and its impact on other areas of life must be considered.
E.g. If you want to step up in your career but if it impacts your family life, that conflict in itself will cause a certain amount of stress and dissatisfaction, especially when you haven’t considered it and planned for it. When there is conflict between your goals and your life as a whole, this leads many to burnout and breakdowns within the other areas of their lives, such as relationships.
Goal setting tips:
Give yourself dedicated time and space to create your goals. It’s an important process, don’t short change yourself.
You must be willing to look at your life as a whole. Know that only focusing on one area without considering it’s impact on your entire life, is a mistake you can easily avoid making.
Seek an effective goal setting process either from your mentor, coach or experts in the field. Do your research, consult a specialist.
Approach goal setting from a future perspective rather than from where you are right now in your life. Creating goals from where you are right now is limiting and is based on current circumstance rather than potential.
Write them down and keep them visible. There are many creative ways to do this but the key is to keep it in your vision and for it to be easily accessible. They are like a map, you need to see it to ensure you’re headed in the right direction so that you can course correct quickly.
Once you master this for yourself, spend some time teaching it to your kids! It will be of much benefit to their lives.
Do you want to set some proper goals for yourself, quickly? No problem! Send me a quick message and I can help you out through a short and sweet video session.