Find the silver lining
Image: pexels-mohamed-abdelgaffar
“Ugh, you’re such a loser!”
This was the last thing I heard come out of my son’s mouth before I intervened. This was in retaliation to another nasty comment made by his sister to him as they played a game of ‘friendly’ table tennis this weekend. There were more snarky remarks leaving their mouths than there were shots being played by either of them! Competitiveness and wanting to win a game doesn’t have to come with belittling the other person. I don’t believe it can put anyone into a good mental space. However, this seemed to be their behaviour of choice and habit as they tried to unsuccessfully motivate themselves to play well. Their game was as bad as their attitude and honestly, I had enough listening to it!
So, I intervened. I challenged them to try and only give compliments to each other while they play the next game. “Find the silver lining in each other’s game,” I said.
Determined to outdo each other, they stepped up to my challenge. Initially, they struggled, hard! But soon, the comments changed from “nice try although you missed” to just “nice try”. With every bounce of the ball, things got a bit lighter and easier. As they started opening up to noticing the goodness in each other’s moves, feedback like “that was a smart shot” to “wow, you tricked me with your speed” started to come more easily. The mood changed and their game also got better. The competitiveness didn’t disappear, they still wanted to win. But it shifted from putting each other down to lifting each other up. This allowed each to focus on their own skills instead of the other’s inabilities. The positive feedback highlighted their strengths and they encouraged each other to play well instead! The standard of play lifted, because pointing out what someone does well means they will try and repeat it and grow past it. Which results in you yourself having to lift your game. It’s a win-win.
This was not a magical story with a heroic ending or an exciting plotline. I know. It was one of those everyday stories hopefully we can all relate to. Because it is in these every day moments that we practise and embed habits. Then these habits dictate the results we see in our lives. It shapes our realities. So it serves us well to pay attention to the everyday habits and see how we can shift it to achieve better results. Seeing the positive or the silver lining in situations is something we must train ourselves to do. It’s only when we tune into seeing the goodness and efforts in our own work and of those around us, that we can motivate ourselves to grow beyond our limitations. By sharing honest, positive feedback and compliments with ourselves and others:
We start to feel good
We start to find ways to repeat the good thing again
We don’t stop at the obstacles but find ways to overcome them
We feel supported and appreciated
We shift our mindsets from “I can’t” to “I can”.
We build connection and enjoyment, with others and ourselves
We lift the standard
…just to name a few
There are silver linings in all of our everyday rituals. I encourage you to make it a priority to observe them and then to share it as positive feedback either with yourself or with those around you. Notice the impact it has, notice the shift it makes to your mindset and enjoy the lightness it brings to your present moments.