I love a good ol' drama!
Every good story, movie or novel has these characters - a victim, a villain and a hero. What a boring story it would be without them!
Once in a while, we all indulge in a bit of this drama as an audience member. However, have you noticed when you actually take on these leading roles in your day to day lives?
When you are a 'victim', you are living at 'the effect' of people, circumstances or conditions outside of yourself. "I am sad because it is raining"; "I am happy only when I get a compliment "; “It’s not my fault I keep forgetting” (my son uses this one on me!)
Villains' on the other hand, move through life finding fault in others, in circumstances and themselves. If you are a 'villain' then you blame and you believe that something is wrong. "I am angry because he cut me off". “I am short tempered because of my mother”.
A 'hero' saves the day...only 1 day though, because tomorrow they need to be a hero again! That's right - a hero seeks temporary relief, they over-function, often take on more responsibility than required and act at the expense of others and themselves. They most likely carry the belief that if they save everyone else, then their turn to be saved will eventually come (my fellow mums, do you feel me on this one?)
So, why do we experience drama? Well, it's a sure way to give our egos a boost - the ego loves to be right! There is always a good dose of adrenaline in a drama - and a good dose of adrenaline makes us feel alive. And finally, it provides a form of connection between people; it is engagement no matter how unhealthy it might be.
So can we end the drama? Probably not, but we can make the stories shorter and shorter. When the drama starts, it is a sign that a problem has arisen and that something needs to be sorted out. You might see this in your family dynamics, between couples, in the workplace or between friends. You will definitely see it in your interactions with your own children.
There is one character we all need to actively pay attention to in these dramas, however. This is the quiet but steady, Leader. This one gets overlooked all the time but this is the wiser one, the one who is the voice of reason and the one who doesn’t draw attention to themselves. The Leader is able to help those around them by managing themselves first. They don’t react to their emotions or other’s emotions, instead they respond with care. They are a problem solver, and realises that guiding others towards ‘safety’ is much more efficient than trying to save them.
Next time you realise you have a major role in the latest drama, try and be the Leader instead.
Move yourself from the Victim who says "why me..." to the Leader who says "how can I..."
Move yourself from the Villain who says "whose fault is it.." to a Leader who says "for what reason has this happened..."
Move yourself from the Hero who says "I need to save you..." to a Leader who says "how can I help you..."
Of course, it is not always so easy, but then again, it can be! Spend as little time as possible in those other roles and see if you can embody the role of the Leader.
What about just being in the audience, you ask? Absolutely! Many fortunate times, you will realise that the roles for a particular drama are already filled. Be eager to notice those times and enjoy the fact that you can just simply sit this one out!