Help children through difficult times
Parental stress impacts children deeply.
Regardless of our environmental circumstances, this is true. And right now, we are ALL stressed to varying degrees. We are ALL panicking at various levels. So, just imagine our children.
As human beings, we thrive on comfort and safety. At this time in our world, our regular processes for comfort and safety (such as our daily routines, our perceptions of health and our methods of relationships and connections) have changed. Drastically, without our control and without a warning. So have our children’s. They are also experiencing a massive disruption to their comforts and this is causing them levels of adversity too.
Knowing and accepting that our stress is impacting our children, here are 3 steps to help you and your child create comfort and consistency through this challenging time.
SELF-EVALUATE
At times like this, we lose our own way as parents. We are only human after all and we can fall into despair and anxiety too. However, we don’t want our children to see us fall into behaviour patterns of panic or hopelessness. So we must self-evaluate.
If you are not coping with the situation at hand in a way that gives your child comfort and confidence in you, then you must enlist the assistance of someone else you trust to help you with:
your child - seek assistance of a family member or professional to support, nurture and care for your child
yourself - seek the assistance of professional services and online tools for you to progress through your current experience.
COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR CHILD
Sometimes we may think it’s best to not talk about what is going on to avoid bringing up negative emotions in the child or unnecessary worry. This method of avoidance by the adult does not extinguish the observations and questions the child has. Most children are more than aware of the changes in their environment and the stress levels within the family. They are hearing stories and trying to understand and comfort themselves with their limited life experience and knowledge. Regardless of whether we are a conversational type of parent or not, opening up the lines of communication are important. Ensure you are reaching out with love and support rather than stress and worry. Avoid saying things like:
“I am sure you are worried about what’s going on..” or “I am worried about your health and safety…”
Instead try:
“I would love to talk about what you’re thinking and feeling about what’s going on..” and “How do you feel about your health and safety these days…”
Tips for successful open dialogue:
Intention is to open up honest dialogue
Never correct how they feel
Always respond with understanding, kindness, empathy and compassion - this creates sense of safety
When a child is sharing their worry with you, it is never an opportunity for you to tack on your worry at the end.
CONNECTION PLAN
Come up with a flexible, fun and adaptable Connection Plan. This should be sensitive and unique to the child’s needs, so create it with them.
Tips for a successful Connection Plan:
Keep it simple
Ensure it offers multiple connection points with you and child - both physical and verbal
Keep it flexible so you’re not restricted
Keep it realistic so you don’t struggle to maintain it
Monitor it and change accordingly - you might want to add things, change things, notice what’s working and what isn’t. Implement regular plan check-ins with child and be brave to create new plans together.