Every good story, movie or novel has these characters - a victim, a villain and a hero. What a boring story it would be without them! Once in a while, we all indulge ourselves in a bit of this drama as an audience member. However, have you noticed when you actually take on these roles in your day to day lives?
When you are a 'victim', you are living as 'the effect' of people, circumstances or conditions outside of yourself. "I am sad because it is raining"; "I am happy only when I get a compliment ".
'Villains' on the other hand, move through life finding fault in others, in circumstances and themselves. If you are a 'villain' then you blame and you believe that something is wrong. "I am angry because he cut me off". “I am short tempered because of my mother”.
A 'hero' saves the day...only 1 day though, because tomorrow they need to be a hero again! That's right - a hero seeks temporary relief, they over-function, often take on more responsibility than required and act at the expense of others and themselves. They most likely carry the belief that if they save everyone else, then their turn to be saved will eventually come.
Why do we experience drama? Well, it's a sure way to give our egos a boost - the ego loves to be right! There is always a good dose of Adrenalin in a drama - and a good dose of Adrenalin makes us feel alive. And finally, it provides a form of connection between people; it is engagement no matter how unhealthy it might be.
So can we end the drama? Probably not, but you can make the stories shorter and shorter. When the drama starts, it is a sign that a problem has arisen and that something needs to be sorted out. You might see this in your family dynamics, between couples, in the workplace or between friends. Not everyone plays one of these roles forever, in fact, in one situation you might notice that people move between these 3 very quickly.A quick shift can make all the difference and sometimes the quickest shift comes from the quality of questions you are asking yourself.
Next time you realise you have a major role in the latest drama:
- Move yourself from the Victim who says "why..." to the Designer who says "How..."
- Move yourself from the Villain who says "whose fault..." to a Challenger who say s"For what purpose..."
- Move yourself from the Hero who says "How can I save..." to a Leader who says "how can I help..."
Of course, it is not always so easy, but sometimes, it can be! Spend as little time as possible in the problem mode and more time in solution mode. Once there, you might even realise that the solution for this particular drama involves you sitting it out!