Once upon a time, in a beautiful orchard, lived an Apple and an Orange. An unusual pair but the very best of friends from the time they were just tiny fruits. Their obvious differences were never a problem between them. No, these differences were what made their union so perfect, bringing about excitement and adventure to both their lives! The Apple loved the tangy shell around the Orange and the Orange loved the crispy attitude of the Apple. They truly understood each other and through this love and mutual respect, they married. After numerous little fruit, travel through a vast variety of orchards and now a few grand-fruit sprouting in their family tree, they have been together for many decades! However, if you walk into their orchard now, things are not the same. Their relationship is distant, strained and unhappy. The differences they once understood and loved about one another are now burdens and annoyances. The Apple feels the Orange is too sour and the Orange feels the Apple is too crisp. They connect through low quality emotions of anger and blame – reminding each other constantly of how they are making each other miserable. They can never do anything right. This emotional pain is causing both of them incredible suffering mentally and it is even manifesting into physical pain. Stubbornly, however, they continue to live unhappily through their ripening, complaining to whomever may listen of the terrible life they both have because of the other one.
As you can tell, this is not a real story. Fruits are not able to mimic human life, after all. However, if we continue to pretend this is true just for the sake of my blog, I imagine their complaints could be categorised into 3:
1. blame – “it’s his fault that I can’t find any peace within myself, my mind is always racing because of him”
2. victimhood – ”I have done so much for her in my life, she won’t try to understand what I have given up for her.”
3. anger – “he/she has always been like this, really ungrateful of all the things I have done for him/her!”
How we connect with each other is at various levels or frequencies. We have some relationships which are very low frequency and some which are very high. One of my teachers told me many years ago: “If you don’t like the radio station, then change the frequency”. What he meant was, if you don’t like how you are connecting with someone or something, then change the vibration.
Emotions such as anger, blame and resentment are the sounds of a particularly low bandwidth we all tune into once in a while. We hear a few good songs so we program it into our favourites bar and now by habit we listen to it with little to no awareness. For those of us in Australia, it’s like listening to the 96.1FM breakfast show – full of useless, degrading talk suitable for no one and contributing to nothing. If we want to experience something uplifting, positive or calming, we won’t find it tuned into this station. In fact, tuning into this one is a guaranteed way to experience instant regret.
Similarly, the Apple and Orange in our story who want to be understood and want to find compassion and peace won’t find it unless they both change their station. Tuning into positive frequencies will bring their connection to a new level. It will allow them to relate through emotions which are more authentic, positive and nurturing. It can allow them to get out of the victimhood mentality and become problem solvers and champions for the other person instead. This will start higher quality conversations, better standards of connection and deeper levels of understanding. So, deciding to change the frequency at which we connect is the first step towards true understanding.
The next step is to let go of the negativity, completely. Turning the dial half way isn’t going to help us hear anything new. Similarly, we can’t sit between anger and calm at the very same time. It has to be one or the other. For better connection, we must let go of the lesser. It is definitely easier said than done, however, it’s food for thought.
If I were to ever meet an Apple or Orange struggling with their connection with one another, I would quote them Dr Michael Bernard Beckwith who says it beautifully; “You cannot have what you are not willing to put out vibrationally”. The Orange can’t expect to feel truly appreciated when she is tuned into the frequency of blame. The Apple can’t expect to feel peace if he is listening to the tunes of anger. If they both agree to connect at a higher level, then they could change the dial together and enjoy the tunes of a better station. This would possibly lead them to a much more fruitful life!